We see a lot of troubled families in our Center. In my clinical experience, virtually every such family comes to us infested with one of three poisonous illnesses – infidelity, some form of substance abuse, a high level of systemic anger. Those three categories are not mutually exclusive and where we find one, we find at least one, if not both of the other two.

Revelation of an infidelity is the most acutely traumatizing to a family system, and does not have to include actual sexual encounters. In fact, Gary Neuman’s classic book, Emotional Infidelity, asserts that any relationship outside the marriage that directs energy away from one’s family is a form of infidelity. I agree without reservation.

A more virulent form of “double dip” infidelity comes in the form of cybersex – a phenomenon that is increasing at an alarming rate. “Double dip,” because it is not only an insidious form of infidelity, but is often an addictive behavior as well (and therefore a form of “substance” abuse).

What makes this form of unfaithfulness so deadly to a marital relationship is not only its respectively isolative effect on both the offending spouse as well as the partner being betrayed by such behavior, but also the fact that it is often unrecognized as addictive behavior. ”What’s the big deal. It’s only a few pictures,” a lot of men respond, not understanding the hurt and pain such behavior inflicts on the family system.

Given the above, it’s not hard to see the role that anger, both low grade and chronic, as well as open hostility, would play in the infected family system.

If you are engaged in a relationship of any sort outside the marriage – at work, on the internet, or if your “mistress” is a bottle, you must understand the damage that you cause yourself and your family and you must, for the sake of your family, seek help.

If you are the spouse, please trust your “instincts” and confront directly the issues your suspect. Your family’s emotional well being, not to mention its very survival is at stake.

May you and yours live in peace and serenity in the grace of God. If you fall upon troubled times, please know that we welcome individuals and families seeking professional counseling and support.

Please contact our office at 327-4622, email This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it , or feel free to drop by at 918 Ormsby Lane.

The Kilgore Center is a pastoral based ministry of Second Presbyterian and St. Francis in the Fields churches and depends in large part upon the generosity of our donors in the church community to sustain its services.

Wayne J. Harper, EdD

Executive Director

Kilgore Samaritan Counseling Center